Nude Videos, Judgement and Jealousy

Over the weekend a WhatsApp group informed me of a nude video of Rashida of “Mala**ka fame, painting the internet red with some three flies. 
You don’t need to watch long to declare the video offensive and disgusting. Even without the flies its disgusting and unfortunately quite sad. (Those poor flies)
Later that evening as I scrolled through my timeline on Facebook, I came across a post from Ghanaian actress and media personality, Ama K Abrebese reiterating a point she made about Rashida in a previous post where she quoted a section of an article written by Manasseh Azure Awuni about Rashida.
The quote termed Rashida a deviant deserving public sympathy as opposed to praises. You can read the original post here. It also has a link to Manasseh’s article as well.
I agree with Manasseh statements especially the part about her deserving our sympathy. Unfortunately however, some saw this post by Ama as a jealous attack. 
If you scroll through the comments you will see some very ridiculous sentiments that makes you wonder whether they understood the context of the post.
I had to reply to some comments and later realized that there was an army of Ghanaians that my logic wouldn’t penetrate through. I realized that the behavior displayed through the comments is a reflection of the moral decay in our country.
A good bunch of us are hypocrites. Lets admit it and stop pretending. This is the problem with Ghana. We don’t like to call out wrong doing and when someone does, instead of us applauding, we rather call the person jealous or a hater.
Such ignorance is sometimes displayed in conjunction with religion where by some via comments on the post, called Ama out for passing judgement. That’s when I realized that people are really confused and begun wondering whether we read the same bible.
Just because you call out wrong doing doesn’t mean you are judging. Its just acknowledging that wrong has been done. It is good for society to call out wrong and right more often for it sensitizes the public on morality. 
Just take a look at the nonsense that goes on in our society. Traffic manners, sanitation and sex videos or nude photos being sent out by Mr. Anonymous. This practice of wrong continues and is encouraged by us and our silence is evidence of our recommendation. How are the vulnerable to know something is wrong if we don’t speak out?
I say this not claiming the title of saint, for in my life time I have changed my wrong ways because it was called out.
I acknowledge that there are different opinions on what’s right and wrong; that majority is also not always right. I however prefer a society of varying arguments on what is right and wrong than a silent one that leaves the vulnerable and younger generation with little choice in the area of reason. 
Lets all speak out against wrong doing. Even if we are proved wrong we learn from it.
Keep it One HONDRED!

I Hear Rapists Love Mini Skirts

I think a bunch of people ganged up together and decided to piss females off in Ghana or around the world these past few weeks.
From the Marwako incident, the Minister for Gender and Social Protection, Otiko Afisa Djaba remarks on rape and clothing, policeman kissing female driver and Ghana football Association (GFA) officials being charged with sexual harrassment by FIFA (I must admit after hearing both sides of the story its a tricky one), this here is more than just coincidence.
To top that all off women are pissed; and when women are pissed you better duck for cover. 
This however is good grounds to discuss the issues at hand and educate those ignorant in areas that the world finds unforgivable.
I am going to try and tackle three issues in three different blog posts. I shall start by looking into the Ministers comments on rape and clothing.
Now this really pissed a lot of people off. It pissed them off to the extent that some are calling for the Minister to be replaced. Below was the comment made
β€œIn conclusion, I want to say to you, be bold, be confident, be respectful. If you wear a short dress, it’s fashionable but, know that it can attract somebody who would want to rape or defile you. You must be responsible for the choices you make,”
(The article detailing the comments and Ghanaians outrage can be viewed here)
The fact that she is a female and also the Minister making those remarks hurt many women. I hadn’t read the comments she made at the time and reserved my comments until having read the article.
I however had a long and interesting conversation about the issue before reading the article. It was with a female friend and I must say that the conversation changed the lens in which I viewed the whole matter.
Initially I did not see the big deal with comments of clothing having a possible correlation with rape; as long as clothing wasn’t perceived as the sole reason for rape.
The more I tried to justify the possible correlation however small, the more I realized that it probably had very very little to do with rape. 
I don’t have statistics but I do have a number of close friends who have been raped. These are not girls who are indecent or love to show skin. Yet they were the victims of rape. 
Truth be told unless you have been in a victims shoes, dealt with such issues on an intimate level or bothered to honestly know more, it is hard to understand why the comments made by the Minister are wrong.
In fact, this is notion about clothes and rape is a global myth and not one unique to Ghana. So though I am sympathetic to her flaw, I equally understand the pain that her words caused.
So yes, maybe you do need someone who understands victims of rape better as a Minister; but maybe this is grounds to educate people and dispel a myth that unfortunately has sunk its teeth deep into the minds of people all over.
I can bet you that a number of high ranking officials, both male and female from all walks of life assume that there is a correlation between clothing and rape.
The conversation on this issue should be encouraged to eradicate the ignorance that exists. The rants to curb such discussions with the notion that it “justifies” the excuse by the culprit is something I disagree with. 
There is no excuse for rape by a sane person. Discussing possible causes for rape provides an opportunity to those discussing to learn and rid the notion of a correlation that doesn’t exist.
So lets engage each other and read more about this issue to dispel this painful myth that suggests that rape victims “ask for it”. 
If you do believe that there is a correlation lets talk and learn from the discussion without emotions. It is hard but once emotions are brought in, it seems like more of an attack than a discussion. 
Lets keep it One HONDRED and dispel the myth because rapists are not particularly interested in mini skirts.
Look out for my posts on the next two issues

I Got My Period!

Girl: I got my period!
Guy: (thinking) THANK GOD!
The above is a perfect example describing the term, “breathe a sigh of relief”.
If you slept with a girl unprotected and she complains about a late period and later tells you that it came, you will understand the relief being described.
If a picture says a thousand words then the feature image by artist Ray Styles, says five thousand for sure. 
Unfortunately it’s something that is rarely discussed. Our culture is partly to blame for it. Parents and family rarely discuss sex with their children and it sometimes leads to them getting into situations that could have been avoided.
Today I want to take a brief look at what guys go through in this situation when at university and encourage all to discuss this more in order for the youth not to repeat the mistakes of our past.
Majority of what I am going to share is from a Whatsapp discussion about the feature image. Guys behavior in this situation is funny when viewed from the perspective that the girl’s period eventually came.
Instead of you studying in school, you are chopping girls.
When your sex partner speaks of period lateness and you had unprotected sex, boys can’t think straight.  
Stress be what! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
You lose appetite, can’t focus on studies, travel back in time to perform analytics on whether your little yous suddenly became faster than Usain Bolt. 
Some go forward in time and ask thought provoking questions such as:

  1. How much are diapers?
  2. Am I ready to be a father?
  3. What will I do if she is actually pregnant?

Some become religious and are looking for a miracle so bad that the “we’re not interested” attitude when student evangelists came over evolves into reception and a new born again status.
And they PRAY!
So if a university male student tells you he is stressed and it’s evident and he keeps praying, chances are he is in period camp.
(Period camp….that’s a nice way to describe what guys feel)
Most guys enter a “God save me and I will never have sex again” contract. The lies God hears, I wonder whether He laughs or views it as a lesson in disguise.
The icing on the cake is that the girl in question often doesn’t freak out the way the guy freaks out. This apparently depends on how you look at it. Internally girls freak out. They also freak out in the physical to their besties. In the presence of guys however they often play it cool and this drives guys NUTS!
So why can’t students just use protection and save themselves from this wahala (stress)? 

Condoms and a quote to emphasize what is precious
Condoms and a quote
 
That is a million dollar question. Is the education on contraceptives enough? Are youth these days pressured into being stupid?
The best thing is to abstain. I however would not put myself in a pot calling the kettle black situation and pretend that is the only solution. I repeat, it’s the best thing to do, not from a Christian standpoint but from EVERY standpoint.
If however you decide to delve into promiscuity, use protection. Yes, love without glove feels good and blah blah blah but let’s play a little game I learned in economics called opportunity cost. 
What’s the opportunity cost of you having unprotected sex?

  1. You could produce a baby ( don’t act you ain’t fertile)
  2. You can contract an STD (Sexualy Transmitted Disease).
  3. You can contract AIDS (I know it’s an STD but it deserves its own bullet point)
  4. The stress – I can’t quantify it but it’s a LOT.
  5. Cultural and societal embarrassment if you are a student and a baby is on the way.

The benefit of unprotected sex is the feeling and that as most ladies will tell you is not always guaranteed. So why risk it for some guy or girl you just met or your partner.
NEWS FLASH: a good portion of university relationships seldom make it to marriage so why fight against statistics. 
Conclusion
We need to discuss this more with others. Not only our peers but the younger ones as well. Society today is bombarded with enticement from all angles. 
The internet, social media and instant messaging escalates the importance we as adults need to place on educating the youth.
The problem is young people think they know. However letting them know of the close calls you had can be a turn around for them. A line after all needs to be drawn somewhere.
What has been your experience with late periods or period camp?
Will you discuss this with youth you know?
Let’s be real about this issue and keep it One Hondred!
A big thank you to Ray Styles for allowing me to use his image in this article and using his art to start a conversation.